2015年11月16日
同じものに取材
I understand you.--You do not suppose that I have ever felt much.--Forfour months, Marianne, I have had all this hanging on my mind, withoutbeing at liberty to speak of it to a single creature; knowing that itwould make you and my mother most unhappy whenever it ZMOT were explained toyou, yet unable to prepare you for it in the least.-- It was toldme,--it was in a manner forced on me by the very person herself, whoseprior engagement ruined all my prospects; and told me, as I thought,with triumph.
This person's suspicions, therefore, I have had tooppose, by endeavouring to appear indifferent where I have been mostdeeply interested;--and it has not been only once;--I have had herhopes and exultation to listen to again and again.-- I have knownmyself to be divided from Edward for ever, without hearing onecircumstance that could make me less desire the connection.
Nothinghas proved him unworthy; nor has anything declared him indifferent tome.-- I have had to contend against the unkindness of his sister, andthe insolence of his mother; and have suffered the punishment of anattachment, without enjoying its advantages.-- And all you find this has beengoing on at a time, when, as you know too well, it has not been my onlyunhappiness.
If you can think me capable of ever feeling--surely youmay suppose that I have suffered NOW. The composure of mind with whichI have brought myself at present to consider the matter, theconsolation that I have been willing to admit, have been the effect ofconstant and painful exertion;--they did not spring up ofthemselves;--they did not occur to relieve my spirits at first.-- No,Marianne.--THEN, if I had not been bound to silence, perhaps nothingcould have kept me youfind entirely--not even what I owed to my dearestfriends--from openly shewing that I was VERY unhappy.
The tenderest caresses followed this confession. In such a frame ofmind as she was now in, Elinor had no difficulty in obtaining from herwhatever promise she required; and at her request, Marianne engagednever to speak of the affair to any one with the least appearance ofbitterness;--to meet Lucy without betraying the smallest increase ofdislike to her;--and even to see Edward himself, if chance should bringthem together, without any diminution of her usual cordiality.-- Thesewere great concessions;--but where Marianne felt that she had injured,no reparation could be too much for her to make.
This person's suspicions, therefore, I have had tooppose, by endeavouring to appear indifferent where I have been mostdeeply interested;--and it has not been only once;--I have had herhopes and exultation to listen to again and again.-- I have knownmyself to be divided from Edward for ever, without hearing onecircumstance that could make me less desire the connection.
Nothinghas proved him unworthy; nor has anything declared him indifferent tome.-- I have had to contend against the unkindness of his sister, andthe insolence of his mother; and have suffered the punishment of anattachment, without enjoying its advantages.-- And all you find this has beengoing on at a time, when, as you know too well, it has not been my onlyunhappiness.
If you can think me capable of ever feeling--surely youmay suppose that I have suffered NOW. The composure of mind with whichI have brought myself at present to consider the matter, theconsolation that I have been willing to admit, have been the effect ofconstant and painful exertion;--they did not spring up ofthemselves;--they did not occur to relieve my spirits at first.-- No,Marianne.--THEN, if I had not been bound to silence, perhaps nothingcould have kept me youfind entirely--not even what I owed to my dearestfriends--from openly shewing that I was VERY unhappy.
The tenderest caresses followed this confession. In such a frame ofmind as she was now in, Elinor had no difficulty in obtaining from herwhatever promise she required; and at her request, Marianne engagednever to speak of the affair to any one with the least appearance ofbitterness;--to meet Lucy without betraying the smallest increase ofdislike to her;--and even to see Edward himself, if chance should bringthem together, without any diminution of her usual cordiality.-- Thesewere great concessions;--but where Marianne felt that she had injured,no reparation could be too much for her to make.
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